This Never Happened
by Shannon Vega
Summary: Niruin needs a gimmick for his new brothel. The Guild Master lends a hand. Inspired by a prompt on the Elder Scrolls kinkmeme. A continuation of "Niruin's Business Plan."


Summary: Niruin needs a gimmick for his new brothel and his Guild Master lends a helping hand. Inspired by a prompt on the Elder Scrolls kinkmeme site.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Skyrim and the Elder Scrolls games are owned by other people-people with lawyers and budgets and huge creative teams. This story is only for fun and I promise not to break the characters too, too much.

Author's Note: I know that I have been out of the writing loop for a while-and for anyone who still reads what I write, thank you. Feedback is welcome and constructive criticism is always welcome as well. Flames and flamers will be ignored and used solely for the purpose of heating my house.

_Original Prompt: During my playthrough, I realized that Skyrim seems to be lacking in the more ~ahem~ saucy performances, so here's what I would like to see- A F!DB who manages to bring in burlesque dancing to the land of skyrim._

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**This Never Happened**

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Riftweald Manor had never been so busy. Then again, it had previously been the home of an egomaniacal bastard bent on destroying the Thieves' Guild, so anything was an improvement, thought Talia with a small grin. Settling into the chair across from Niruin, she nodded to the elf. "Alright, Niruin, what reason could you possibly have to drag Delvin, Vex, Brynjolf and me down here?" she asked tiredly, rubbing at her eyes.

It had been a long couple of days…and she officially loathed Markarth. Forget the fact that the beds were stone in that once-Dwarven city, the fact that she was a Breton singled her out for more than her fair share of rancor.

Niruin stood from behind the desk and began to pace. He'd fallen into the role of proprietor of Riften's only whorehouse with aplomb. His polite, courtly manners put the 'guests' at ease and without the curse of Nocturnal, the business was flourishing. "I was thinking about keeping the business fresh. Something to keep them coming back. A gimmick, perhaps."

Talia groaned, glancing at the other thieves. "A gimmick? What, you want me to strip off for your clients?" she joked, shutting her eyes as she leaned her head back. The portion of ceiling her eyes landed on needed patching.

Silence fell with the weight of a headsman's axe.

Talia cracked open an eye and glanced around at the other thieves, taking in the varied expressions. "That was a joke, boys and girls."

Niruin settled on the edge of the desk, leaning forward. His expression was thoughtful, though his eyes sparkled with avarice. "Not a bad idea, though. Have you ever…" He trailed off suggestively.

Talia chuckled, lifting her booted feet to rest on the desk beside Niruin's hip. "Ever what? Stripped off all my clothes and danced for the pleasure of an audience?" She tapped the side of her nose, a smirk on her lips. "Not telling, Niruin. A lady has to keep some secrets."

Vex snorted, quickly turning it into a chuckle. "Of course, Talia." She turned to Niruin, who was still eying the Guild Master speculatively. "I suppose it's not a bad idea…men do seem to like the whole unwrapping bit."

Talia shrugged at the blonde Imperial, letting her eyes drift shut again. "Makes them think of gifts, I suppose. But we're thieves, Niruin. Kind of have to keep anonymous," she reminded the elf. "So not bloody likely that one of our girls…or boys…would dance for you. Though I suppose we could teach some of the talent what they need to know."

Niruin crossed his arms over his chest, standing and gazing down at his Guild Master. Really looked at her. Dark hair. Fair skin. Curvy figure when it wasn't hidden by her Guild Master leathers. He could work with that, he supposed. And Bretons were still rare enough in Skyrim that there was still some allure about them. "Can you dance?"

Talia groaned. If anyone gave her any trouble about this, she was going to claim sleep deprivation and deny all knowledge. "You're not going to let this go, are you." Standing up, she shrugged. "Why not—you lot have seen me in less down in the Cistern." She looked around, spotting a drum on one of the shelves. "Think you can keep a beat, Niruin?" she asked, dragging it down from the shelf and tossing it to the startled elf.

Niruin nodded, settling more comfortably against the desk. "Need anything else?"

Talia sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Your word that this," she motioned to the assembled thieves, "never happened. Now, any feathers in this place?"

Niruin frowned, puzzled. "Feathers?"

Talia let her eyes run around the office. Niruin had replaced most of Mercer's things with his own, the influence of Valenwood strong in the room. In a corner were a cluster of feather, long and dripping with curls down to the ground. "These'll do." She reached into her pocket, a leather tie soon wrapped expertly around the end of the feathers so that they fanned out in an arc. "Alright, give me a beat, Niruin," she ordered, turning her back on the other thieves as she moved to the doorway of the room.

Niruin's fingers thrummed against the drum skin as he watched Talia slowly begin to sway, her hips moving in time to the fingers thrumming on the drum. Slowly she lifted her arms until they were both extended above her head, though one of her hands slowly began dragging down the other, her hips still rocking as she trailed her hand down to her hair, lifting it away from the back of her neck.

Niruin felt himself hardening as he watched her bare the back of her neck, right now the only flesh other than her hands or face that was uncovered. He'd never thought of himself as a neck man, but he might be.

Talia let her hair drop back down with its heavy weight as her hands slowly slid down the curve of her ribcage to her hips. "Good job keeping the beat, Niruin," she allowed, glancing over her shoulder as she kept swaying. "Let's see if you can keep it up," she teased, her fingers moving to the buckles of her leathers.

Niruin swallowed as he heard the buckles being unfastened. In the back of his mind he reminded himself that the girls who did this in future would need to have easier access. Though, watching the leather loosen from around Talia's form to be pushed off one shoulder, then the other, baring pale, smooth skin was incredibly erotic.

Talia was still moving, the sway of her hips seeming to follow a figure eight pattern as her thighs moved. She allowed a slow glance over her shoulder as she slowly lowered, then raised, the leather on her shoulder, progressively letting it drop more and more until it hung loose on her arm. She repeated it with the other shoulder, flipping her dark hair to the front so that the thieves behind her had an unobstructed view of her back. Soon her other shoulder was bared as well and a quick shimmy sent her jacket thudding to the floor, her bare back revealed to the thieves.

Niruin swallowed, watching as she continued to sway, the curve of her breast just visible as she moved, her dark hair a thick curtain that fell down her back. He'd never had a thing for humans, though he was beginning to wonder if he should try to bed his Guild Master. She did seem to have a thing for risk, he thought as he watched her bend down to grab the fanned out feathers, her plush bottom pushed up so invitingly.

Talia rose, turning with the fan splayed across her chest, hiding her curves in name only from her fellow thieves. Her hips continued their hypnotic movements as she let one hand trail from her temple to her collar bone, her eyes heavy lidded and her lips slightly parted. She always got off on this, she allowed with a tiny smirk. The power—the rush of being the center of attention. Being a thief, it wasn't something that she indulged in much.

Niruin watched as Talia's hand traveled down to her pants, flicking open the fastenings with practiced ease. Slowly the leather, being heavy and no longer tight against her flesh, began to slide down her legs, baring sinfully smooth skin in its wake. Still she moved, the fan held strategically as she gave only slight incentive to the leather to continue its downward journey.

"Like what you see?" she purred, turning her back on the thieves again as she bent over, her barely covered bottom once again raised in invitation as she stepped out of the legs of her pants, her snug boots still clinging to her calves and her smalls caressing her ass. Straightening, she glanced back over her shoulder at Niruin, meeting his hungry gaze. "I guess you do," she murmured, her gaze flicking down to the obvious rise in his leathers. She took a deep breath and spun, facing the thieves as she slowly curtseyed, the fan fluttering just barely enough to allow a peak of her full breasts. Just a peak. Rising, she shrugged. "And that's how it's done, Niruin. Anything more and you lot are buying me a hell of a lot more than dinner."

Stunned silence reigned as Talia turned her back on the thieves and quickly pulled her clothes back on, resuming her seat as if the last few minutes had not happened. Her blue eyes glittered as she set her feet on the edge of the desk again, meeting Niruin's gaze with a lazy smirk. "Remember, boys and girls, this never happened."

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Niruin looked around the Ragged Flagon, hoping to spot the Guild Master. He'd checked all of her other haunts (the inn, the Black-Briar Meadery, Mistveil Keep, and even her home at Honeyside) and come up empty. He was beginning to think that she was avoiding him. His lips curled into a smile as he found his quarry. Talia was leaning back in her chair, precariously balanced on two of the legs of her chair with her legs crossed at the ankles and her feet resting on the tabletop. A mug of something was in her gloved hands and she was deep in conversation with Delvin and Vex.

Perfect, he thought, advancing on her from behind. She hadn't seen him. "Talia, may I have a word?"

Talia looked back over her shoulder at the elf. Dark eyes narrowed and luscious red lips pursed, she glared at Niruin. "Go away, Niruin. I'm in a bad mood when it comes to you."

Niruin frowned and stepped closer. "But I need your help, Talia," he began. "I need you to teach the girls how to dance."

Talia let her feet drop to the stone floor of the Flagon, turning in her chair to fully face the tall elf. "Really? And I need to have fucking Maven not ask every two hours for a private showing of my 'assets' at her next soiree. Did you tell her?" she demanded crossly.

Niruin shook his head quickly. He knew better than to cross Talia—her willingness to fight, and fight dirty, was well known in the Guild. "No, Talia. One of my girls must have seen and mentioned it." He rubbed the back of his neck—he knew which girls were preferred by Maven's sons and he would give them a tongue-lashing they'd not soon forget. "I'm sorry, Talia, but this is really important. The girls need that edge to bring in the coin this Guild needs."

Talia sighed, letting her head drop forward onto the tabletop. "Seriously, do you lot all talk about how best to work the Guild guilt on me?" Lifting her head from the tabletop she rubbed at the reddened mark on her forehead. "You're worse than my Aunt Nan and she was a master of guilt." She took a sip from her mug. "Alright, Niruin, I'll teach your girls. Any of your girls have any grace other than bouncing on some poor idiot's lap?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Niruin swallowed. "Aye. Will you come to the house or should I bring them here?"

Numerous ears perked up as Talia sighed, rubbing again at her forehead. "Might as well bring them 'ere, Niruin. I want 'em blind-folded and taken into the practice room. Delvin," she began, turning to her fellow Breton who was all smiles, "think you can handle getting that room cleared for a little practice by the girls?"

Delvin chuckled. "I can manage. Want me to get feathers?"

Talia grimaced, standing and rolling her shoulders. "As many as you can find. And Niruin?"

Niruin straightened. "Yes, Talia."

"Guess you'll need your drum. Be prepared to keep the beat."

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The assortment of women who had joined the ranks of Niruin's business venture was truly breathtaking. There was a Redguard, two Imperials, a Nord, and a Breton in the lot. There was even a Khajit, her striped markings and numerous earrings making her even more exotic, and an Argonian, her scales gleaming a rich emerald in the torchlight. Talia wasn't going to bother learning names just yet—she had to see what she had to work with, she supposed.

"Alright, you lot. Welcome to the home of the Thieves' Guild," she offered in greeting as she began to pace in front of the women. Turning to the men of the Thieves Guild who were crowding the doorway, she began shooing them away. When they didn't move, she growled. "Out. No audience participation. If they do a good job," she nodded towards the prostitutes behind her, "then we might let you lot be an audience. Now go."

Grumbling and slow bootsteps trailed away and Talia again rubbed her forehead. Turning back to the women she took a deep breath. "Alright, ladies. Dancing isn't the same as fucking." Her eyebrow rose slightly at the pinking of the Breton's cheeks—damned but that girl was shy. "Dancing is about seduction. Just like when you ride him like he's some stallion, you want the mark to be totally enthralled by you. You want him to want you. To be willing to do anything—spend anything—to possess you." She leaned back against the wall of the practice room, arms crossed over her chest. "Now, I need to see what I'm working with." She motioned to the girls. "Dance."

Long moments later she let her face drop into her palm and shook her head. "Stop. For the love of Mara and Dibella, stop." Lifting her head, she shook her head. "Do you lot just bounce on a man's lap until he comes and then say thank you and collect your coin?" At the confused expressions she groaned. Turning to Niruin, she motioned him forward. "Alright you lot, let's take Niruin here." She stepped towards the elf. "Men want a fantasy. They want to believe that they are the best lovers. They are the most handsome of men. They are the smartest of creatures that are too wise to need to pay for a little recreational sex. Doesn't matter what the truth is. It's their illusion." She heard the titters of contained laughter behind her and grinned up at Niruin. "Feel ready to be a test subject?"

Niruin swallowed at the positively predatory smile on Talia's face. "Do I have a choice?"

Talia chuckled. "No." Turning to the girls, she smiled. "A man doesn't have to fuck you to pay for your time. In fact, some of the best dancers that I ever knew never fucked their clients." At the hurt sound beside her she smirked. "We're selling a dream. A myth. Look at this elf," she began, circling Niruin slowly, trailing her fingers across his chest. "Superiorly bred Mer and all that. Finest archer that ever came out of Valenwood. A man of breeding and refinement," her voice had dropped an octave as she practically purred out her words. "A man like this has women falling over themselves to ride his fine, thick, long cock," she breathed, looking up at Niruin, her lips parted slightly as she gazed lustily up at him.

Niruin swallowed nervously. He hadn't counted on her words making him hard enough to drive his cock through a stone wall. Offering to be a test subject might be an object lesson in teasing—one he might not survive. "Talia?"

Just as quickly her expression shifted, the look of pure hunger gone. "Shut up, Niruin," she cautioned, stepping towards the girls, her eyes gleaming. "Fantasy, remember?" she tossed over her shoulder.

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Payback was a bitch and her name was Talia, decided Niruin. Long hours later found Niruin staring into his mug of ale. He finally took a gulp. "You are a sadist," he whispered, looking across the table at the Guild Master.

Talia chuckled, sipping her mead. "You're only figuring this out now, Niruin?" She glanced at Brynjolf and Delvin, both of whom were barely holding back their laughter. It had been a long afternoon of instruction and Talia had, to add insult to injury, grabbed several of the thieves as test subjects for her students. A role that she had not allowed Niruin to take, despite the fact that by that point he had been ready to bed every woman in sight. Now the thieves she'd picked were now much lighter in coin and universally very, very happy. "Niruin, I am not a nice woman. If I were ever to take any of you to my bed…I would end up breaking all of you into teeny, tiny, bite-sized pieces." She stood and stretched languidly, hands clasped high above her as she let out a low moan as muscles released and relaxed. Straightening, she grinned down at the three handsome, and slightly stunned, thieves. "Not that it wouldn't be fun to have all three of you try to break me. But I do hate buying new furniture. And I'm out of practice on running a dungeon." Taking a final sip of her mead, she started towards the Cistern. "Have a nice night, boys."

Brynjolf swallowed thickly and took a gulp of his mead. "You boys ever wonder what would happen if we took her up on her teasing?"

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_**~FIN~**_

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